Howdy Hogmeisters and Hogmistresses!

It's my birthday and things aren't looking too great for little Miss Birthdaybink. So far I've had my usual pellets and a measley handful of popcorn, half an apple, a corner of toast, cherry pits from the office waste basket, an old banana skin that I retrieved from behind the garbage can and a breath mint that Mom gave to me after I huffed in her face. And it's already 10:30! Where's the cake? What about breakfast crepes with strawberries and cream? Cafe au lait? I haven't even had a slurp of orange juice! If they're gonna be this stingy when I'm still a little (comparatively speaking) cute baby, what's it gonna be like when I'm a teenager? I'll probably have to beg for my pellets. I'm weak with disappointment. I expected at least a dance band, if not a small orchestra, balloons, hot and cold running grandkids bearing handfulls of treats, a smorgasbord of tasty delights and a few lovely wrapped gifts to savour....something at least slightly indicative of my position in this household. But so far, blooey! And to make matters worse, Mom is practising Japanese. She learned a few words from one of our house guests and now she keeps saying them over and over. I woke up to her mumbling, "Doy dashee mashtay," this morning, and for a minute I thought I'd been deported! Whadda birthday! That silly dog, Dax came in my room first thing this morning with a piece of peanut butter toast and I thought "Great! ...my first birthday treat of the day", but the little bleeping *&#!~ ate it herself. Not only that, but it's pouring rain and not even one little squirmy came in under my bedroom door. All I found was one waterlogged slug which I rolled over a few times and then forgot about. A few minutes later I stepped on it with my bare trotter. Gak! Have you ever had a slug squish up between your trotters? Thank the Great Hog in Heaven I didn't break it's skin! ewwwwwww, yuckers. Boy, am I ever having a BAD DAY! Things better improve around here or I'm going to have to bite someone (like maybe that silly dog Dax, or maybe even Dad). Birthday, shmirthday. .....grump, gripe, moan, complain, whine, whimper, sniff, Binki

Binki

© Margaret Timms 1998